True Blue
by XenaAmber
Summary: Xena, Gabrielle and Ares discover that a rogue bard is writing stories about them.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters in this story belong to me, and nor do any of the various other references to non-Xena pop culture.

 **Author's note:** This story started out as a parody of the various clichés and tropes in shipperfic, inspired by a binge that came from me rewatching the whole show. It gradually took on a life of its own, and now I'd describe it as a tribute to a fandom I've loved for many years. It's been three years in the making because I am an _extremely_ sporadic writer. I've shamelessly ripped off/paid homage to an extensive and random assortment of in-jokes, fanfic (other people's and one of my own first efforts), pop culture and no doubt some other things I've forgotten. Nevertheless, it's done with love and I hope you enjoy it.

For Tango – who started as my "Xena friend" but is now a real-life source of inspiration, friendship and warmth.

* * *

 **True Blue**

Prologue

Greba paced angrily around her gloomy kitchen.

Her pot of stew was steaming away merrily over the fire, her house was spotless, and despite the fact that it was raining outside, her roof wasn't leaking (on this final point she was undeniably smug). She'd been all set for a cosy evening with her handsome new neighbour, but even though she'd batted her eyelashes at him in a very obvious way – and then done it again for good measure – he hadn't accepted her dinner invitation.

A bubble in the stew popped. Greba stirred it, a little more forcefully than necessary, and the fire hissed as stray droplets of liquid splashed out of the pot. Those slave girls really were out of line, bossing a good man like that around. She was convinced the pair of them had vetoed him coming over. The worst part was, he'd barely bothered to feign disappointment.

She made the fire hiss again. Why he preferred those half-dressed city slickers to a good girl like her was a mystery. If only she could find a way to get rid of them. They couldn't even milk _cows_ , for Zeus' sake, and she still wasn't sure quite what had caused their chickens to cluck so worriedly earlier.

 _Don't even talk to me about chickens._

Greba stopped stirring abruptly. She paused. Then she stirred again even more violently than before.

 _Stop that!_

She frowned. That hissing noise was definitely words, and it was definitely…

 _Yes, I'm in your stew. Not so much salt next time, by the way. I'm starting to shrivel up._

…coming from her dinner.

Greba peered down into the pot and almost jumped out of her skin when she saw the image of a black-haired, pale-skinned woman on the surface of her stew.

 _Don't worry, you're not crazy. I can't appear in human form anymore after my unfortunate decapitation, but luckily, my head is just as devious as it ever was._

"That's—not very reassuring." Greba lowered her spoon but kept it ready, just in case some emergency stirring was required to banish the unknown head. "I have no idea who you are."

 _Oh, right. I'm Discord, Goddess of Retribution. I'm here to get some revenge for both of us. I've lost my head, you've lost your date, and we can both point the blame finger at the same people for our problems – well, you can, since I no longer_ have _fingers_. _Now, here's what I have in mind. You might want to get a quill…_

* * *

A few days later, Xena approached the farmhouse after a very enjoyable trip into town with Gabrielle. In addition to picking up various food and household supplies together, they'd briefly split up so Gabrielle could check out the new additions to the local scroll library.

She opened the door.

"Hey, Ares, are you in here?"

No answer. She entered the house, surprised at the lack of response. Then she heard an unmistakeable snort of derision coming from the kitchen, so she followed the sound.

Ares was sitting at the rickety table (which he _still_ hadn't fixed, despite his promise to do so three days ago) with his feet up, a mug in front of him, a scroll in his hand, and a faintly horrified look on his face. Horace, lying at his feet, wagged his tail to acknowledge Xena's arrival but otherwise didn't move. When Ares saw her, he shook his head, his mouth still hanging slightly open.

"What in Hades is the matter?"

She saw him take a breath and try to speak, but his breath caught in his throat (and her own breath caught a little too, despite her best efforts to ignore his bare chest). He frowned, then tried again, more successfully.

"Gabrielle – she – the horror—"

"Gabrielle what? Where is she, Ares?" Urgently.

"—Gave me this scroll. Just now. Then left. It's all about _us_ – the horror—" Words failing him again, Ares thrust the scroll at Xena. She took it, skimmed the first words, and looked at him incredulously.

"You _aren't_ serious?"

He nodded silently.

"The horror…"


	2. Chapter 1

.

Fifty Shades of Blue

By C. Sordid

Once upon a time, there was a god of war. There were, in fact, lots of gods and lots of gods of war, but the only one we care about was tall, dark, handsome (SO handsome – well-muscled and strong and leather-clad and generally delicious). He started all kinds of wars and did all kinds of horrible things to people, but really, he was just lonely and misunderstood. His parents were always busy arguing over his father's many affairs, and his sisters kept stealing all the limelight, and no one ever had any time for Ares. (The god's name was Ares, if you hadn't guessed.)

As he grew into a man, Ares set up lots of temples with lots of pretty young priestesses in an attempt to fill the void in his life, and he threw himself into starting a lot of pointless wars, which was his job after all, but something was still missing. So Ares decided he needed someone special in his life. But not just anyone… he needed a mortal with whom he shared a mysterious and supernatural bond. He needed a Chosen.

So he chose someone.

The circumstances of their first meeting remain somewhat unclear, but one version goes that it happened when the girl was still in her infancy. Some sources say he was actually her father, but even by Greek mythological standards, that would make the rest of this story pretty sick, so we'll ignore them.

Another theory is that he first noticed her when she was a child, barely out of her teens, and when he saw her, he knew instantly that she was The One. Picture it: he saw her dancing around in an Academy corridor, batting her eyelashes over her gorgeous blue eyes, singing suggestively about "hit me, baby, one more time," and he just _knew_ that with a theme song like that, she'd make a great ambassador for the values and philosophies of War as a solution for today's troubled youth. Plus, she looked really hot in her uniform.

Oh, wait, there goes my imagination running away with me again. That wasn't actually what happened at all. (Does anyone really believe that Xena wouldn't be the one _hitting_ one more time instead of _being_ hit?)

Let's be serious now.

Our sources tell us that Ares and Xena really met in what historians have termed her "Missing Period" (defined as some point in her pre-show life that they never bothered to make flashbacks about, more's the pity). We can only imagine the scene: a traumatised, lonely warrior woman realising that her hitherto wild and crazy behaviour had left her unfulfilled, and she needed to find an anchor in this cruel world. One fine day, in the middle of the night, she went to the temple of Ares. Or maybe the forlorn and bored god happened to spot her somewhere else. He appeared to her, or maybe she called for him, or maybe he was mad at her because she parked her chariot in a spot that was _clearly_ signed "GOD PARKING ONLY."

Well, have you got any better ideas? See, if they'd only made a flashback, there would be no need for all this outlandish speculation.

Anyway, they met. Somehow.

They probably had a few fights in the beginning so Ares could assess the strength of their mysterious and supernatural bond and decide whether Xena was really Chosen material. She passed whatever tests he imposed with flying colours, of course, because she's Xena and she has many skills. His priestesses in his many temples were jealous of Xena, her skills, and her stunning aquamarine orbs. They hazed her a bit by forcing her to participate in ambiguous slumber parties involving activities like prank prayer-answering, endless rounds of truth or dare, and pillow fights in naughty lingerie… oh, they wear those outfits all the time? Never mind.

The priestesses should really have disliked Xena because she was prettier than them and could fight better, and she made them seem pretty ordinary by comparison, but they all came to adore her after a while. All except the head priestess, whose name was Mary Sue.

Mary Sue didn't just dislike Xena, she _hated_ her, because she thought Xena had come backflipping into the temple with the sole intention of stealing Ares away and ruining Mary Sue's life. Mary Sue and Ares weren't actually together, you understand, but Mary Sue thought that one day Ares would finally clue in that she was there, ready (SO ready) and waiting for him, and she knew that if he fell in love with Xena, that would never happen.

So Mary Sue started trying to sabotage Xena. She mopped the floor with sacred oil so that when Xena practised her backflips, she would slip over – but all that happened was that Xena wondered why her hands were suddenly so well moisturised.

Next, Mary Sue tried hiding Xena's sword, but Ares made up for it by giving his Chosen a beautiful new weapon that no one had ever seen before. It was called the chakram. Uncharacteristically, Xena took a while to master the art of deflecting it off objects, and she made so many dents in the shields and other crap hanging around the temple that it took Mary Sue a month to finish restoring them all to their original state.

Naturally, she was pissed. Wouldn't you be?

Mary Sue took her dastardly plans to the next level. She made up this rumour about how Xena had given birth to octuplets (fathered by Ares, of course) that she had hidden away in Jappa because she didn't want Ares to know about them and use them against her. Mary Sue was hoping that the other priestesses would think Xena was a slut unworthy of being Ares' Chosen, and that they would see her true colours. But the only colour they and Ares saw was the vivid sapphire of Xena's irises. Xena had everyone so charmed that when the rumour started to circulate, Ares decreed that anyone who dared to insult his Princess in that way must be exiled from the temple – and to cut a long story short, Mary Sue found herself out on the street, trying to figure out how to spell "Mary Sue" in Greek for a job application at the temple of Athena round the corner.

Now, you may reasonably wonder, how could Ares be so sure that Xena _hadn't_ given birth to octuplets that she'd hidden in Jappa? Well, one reason was that Xena had once told him she hated sushi, didn't much care for tea in teahouses, and couldn't understand why people would want to fight in funny white pajamas that didn't show off their cleavage – in short, Xena never had been, and never would be, interested in a vacation to Jappa. (Any rumours to the contrary – not to mention a certain unmentionable scroll referring to Joxer's steely buttocks – are the result of an unfortunate incident involving Joxer, Gabrielle, a raucous night out at an Athens sake bar, and an ill-advised wager that he could TOO write a scroll just like her.)

But the more important reason Ares knew there were no octuplets… was that he and Xena had never done IT. You know, never made the beast with two backs, fornicated, engaged in coitus… they had never been LIKE THAT. Hence, octuplets were pretty much out of the question.

Mary Sue didn't know this, of course. She and everyone else would never have believed that it was the case, but, in fact, it was. If she had, she never would have made up such a stupid rumour; but she also wasn't nearly as intelligent and witty as she thought she was, so maybe she would have made it up anyway.

There are a lot of theories about why Ares and Xena had never been LIKE THAT. Our sources get a bit unclear again here, but one school of thought is basically that, ahem, not to get overly anatomical, they enjoyed all the appetisers but didn't move on to the main course. Maybe Xena was worried that Ares wasn't quite as enamoured of her cerulean spheres as he claimed to be and didn't want to risk losing his favour. But our Xena was generally quite a self-confident young lady, so insecurity like this would have been a bit out of character. More likely, at least in this scribe's opinion, was that it gradually turned into a bit of a game between them, both of them understanding that the anticipation was half the fun.

So on things went for a while. Ares war-godded, Xena Chosened, and Mary Sue plotted in the background. Xena really was getting good by this point, out leading armies, racking up an impressive tally of conquered lands and slain opponents, and somehow still finding time to continue her professional development by taking courses from the "We'll Give You Many Skills" catalogue that she dutifully subscribed to. Some noteworthy examples included _Advanced Arm-Wrestling Strategies_ , _Nine Lives: An Introduction to the Afterlife in World Religion_ and _Fishing: For Food and Fun_. She was happy with her life. Mostly.

But she did occasionally have this niggling, nagging little feeling that maybe she was destined for something more (and that perhaps killing the good guys might not be great for her karma). I mean, Ares was a great boss as they go – he gave Xena a lot of autonomy, the work environment was pretty swank, and of course he _was_ rather easy on the eyes (always a plus with colleagues, in Xena's opinion). But _still_. The structure of the temple, the army, the priestesses, was _stifling._ What she really wanted to do was strike out on her own, establish herself in her own name. Not to be Xena: Ares' Chosen, but Xena: … okay, she hadn't fully thought it through yet, but, hey, it was a long-term goal.

Now, as we've seen, Mary Sue (who was inexplicably back at the temple by now) wasn't the brightest of people, but she did have the odd moment of devious brilliance. She noticed these unfulfilled ambitions of Xena's (maybe overhearing Xena singing along to "Highway to Hades" in the shower one morning clued her in to the inner dissatisfaction she was feeling) and realised that _this could be her chance to get rid of her rival._

It so happened that Mary Sue had gone to school with a chap called Iolaus (who, conveniently, was now the best friend of Ares' goody-two-shoes half-brother, Hercules) and she'd carried a torch for him ever since, but he'd always been too busy playing the field to notice. So she crafted a cunning plan that would kill two birds with one stone: break up Xena and Ares, and cause Iolaus some heartache into the bargain. She suggested ever-so-innocently to Ares one day that maybe Xena would be able to help him finally annihilate Hercules in an untraceable way.

And Ares went, "hmm."

And so it came about that Ares sent Xena off on a Herc-killing mission, which she was a bit annoyed about, frankly, because it really wasn't her _job_. She was a Chosen, not some lackey to be dispatched to solve Ares' family problems, after all. Why did no one appreciate her and her cobalt globes anymore?

She was feeling a bit vulnerable and open to temptation, so when Hercules started sweet-talking her about how much nicer her life could be if she stopped wantonly killing everyone who annoyed her, she didn't wantonly kill him and actually listened. The fact that they had this conversation in a forest clearing in their underwear, and he was _kind of_ cute if she squinted just right, was immaterial.

After her little _tête-à-tête_ with Herc, Xena found herself certain that now was the time to make the big leap to self-employment and the Side of Good. So she resolutely marched back to Ares' temple to hand in her notice and her chakram (which handily did double-duty as a weapon and an all-access pass to high-security areas of the temple). She found Ares lounging around on his throne watching a replay of the battle of the Battle of Corinth, and her heart leapt when she saw how pleased he was to see her after so long apart.

Still, she'd prepared a little speech, short and sweet, about how she was no longer interested in the Chosen role and would therefore be leaving to go and right the wrongs she had committed. As Ares' eyes widened in shock, she couldn't help but lean in and kiss him goodbye, knowing full well that she would miss him. She held out the chakram for him to take back, but he refused, mumbling something about how he'd never want anyone else to have it.

As she left the temple a moment later, she deliberately didn't look back, so the unexpected tears in her turquoise seeing-organs were hidden from him.

Watching them from a hidden balcony above, Mary Sue silently cheered.

* * *

Xena held up the scroll she had been reading to show that she'd reached the end, and she and Ares stared at each other open-mouthed. She was standing behind him, leaning so they could both see the words, and if they hadn't both been so appalled, it might have been rather cosy.

"What in _Hades_ is that all about? None of it's true," Ares finally spluttered.

"Well, there are two people called Xena and Ares… I guess it's _something_ ," Xena said back.

"That makes it worse! People might actually think I'm associated with it in some way. Hardly a comfort. Xena, we need to do something about this! Our reputations are at stake. We need to find the author of this crap and _make them stop._ " Ares' eyes grew wilder the longer he spoke, and he punctuated the last three words by slamming his mug down on the table.

"Oh, I quite agree, Ares, but do you have to get so dramatic about it? You're bad enough in the scroll as it is, let alone starting to re-enact it." Gabrielle entered the kitchen holding a couple of other scrolls in her hands, and studied Xena and Ares.

"You've read this too, I take it?" Xena asked.

"Of course she has, she _gave_ it to me in the first place as some kind of joke," Ares interrupted.

Gabrielle paused for a second to glare at Ares, and then looked back at Xena. "Unfortunately yes. Awful stuff, isn't it? Like anyone would believe you two had never… _ahem._ " Gabrielle's indignant speech dissolved into a well-timed coughing fit as Xena and Ares glared at her in a creepily similar way. Horace, from his spot on the floor, barked sharply.

" _Ahem_. Lots of things wrong with it. What I was going to say, anyway, is that we need to stop this. People are buying these stories like there's no tomorrow, and they're all going to think I wrote them. I can't have people associating my bardic toils with this... this… nonsense. "

"You might want to stop talking about your bardic toils and just say 'scrolls' in that case," Ares interjected.

"For the ones with you in them, 'toil' is the only word that captures the tedium," Gabrielle retorted.

Xena had been looking at Gabrielle shrewdly as she and Ares bickered. As the bard eventually stopped to take a breath, Xena was finally able to get a word in.

"You said 'stories.' Does that mean there's more than one of these out there?"

Gabrielle laughed grimly and held up the other scrolls she'd been carrying. "Funny you should ask. There's a whole series of them."

Ares, starting to turn purple, made to rise from the table, but stopped as he noticed Gabrielle's bemused look.

"What, Blondie?"

"Oh… I just thought you'd want to read the rest so you can really feel justified in killing the author later. What's the rush?"

"But you said you thought they were awful," Xena said.

"Oh, they are, they are. But there's a certain chariot-wreck fun in some of it, what can I say?" Gabrielle tossed a scroll to Xena, who rolled her eyes briefly, but started unfurling it anyway.

"Can't get much worse," she muttered.

"You might live to regret this," Ares said darkly.


	3. Chapter 2

.

Deeper Shade of Blue

The next chapter of our tale takes place some time after the tear-jerker, cliff-hanger ending that left us all on the edge of our seats. Will Ares find a way to get Xena back? Will Xena be able to keep to her new path and resist the temptations of Ares and the dark side? Will they be able to stop Mary Sue's devious plot to… do whatever it is Mary Sue is deviously plotting this time?

Let's find out.

Xena, on the whole, coped pretty well with the significant life change that turning good entailed. In addition to the new "only kill bad guys" rule, there were some more mundane adjustments to make. She got used to sleeping in cheap taverns or camping out at night, rather than the cushy temple lifestyle she'd had. She got used to having to groom her own horse, and found that she actually quite liked looking after dear old Argo. She even – wait for it – got used to having a friend.

See, the priestesses at the temple hadn't exactly been Xena's friends, they were more like a glorified fan club, and not terribly good company. Truth be told, the slumber parties, matching outfits and breathy deference to Ares had always seemed a bit ridiculous to her. She recalled asking Ares once why he put up with it all, and rolling her eyes when he replied that he'd actually never liked them either but was too nervous to tell them all to get lost and leave him in peace.

So it came as a surprise when Xena accidentally befriended a young bard from the village of Potadia not long after her conversion. The girl's name was Gabrielle, and she and Xena quickly proved that opposites can be the best of friends. Xena was dark, Gabrielle was blonde; Xena was silent, Gabrielle barely ever shut up; Xena had by now seen most of the world with her kaleidoscopic aqua peepers, but Gabby was constantly wide-eyed at the sights and sounds of places that weren't Potideia.

Remarkably, they got along extremely well, and as the time passed, Xena found that the young girl from Potodeiah was key to keeping on the straight and narrow of her new path.

Now, while Xena was busy with her new life, things weren't going quite as well for Ares. He'd taken to brooding and moping around since Xena had left him, and frankly he was getting pretty grumpy. Mary Sue was not thrilled with this, as her plan to win Ares' love hinged on him actually noticing her at some stage. She knew it would happen eventually, as she was stunningly gorgeous, highly accomplished at everything, and one of those people you can't stop thinking about. But Ares seemed immune to her charms.

It so happened that Mary Sue knew a legend about a secret and wonderful artefact, a ring that would make the wearer irresistible to anyone, mortal or god, that looked upon them. She'd always thought it was a story made up to let ugly people feel better about themselves, because most people found her irresistible anyway. But she had a dream about the ring, and with her gift of prophecy she knew that she was destined to wear it someday.

That morning, she put on her most diaphanous gown and went to go and find Ares, who was staring glumly at an image of Xena in his PortalVision™. To make a long, tedious scene short, Mary Sue sneakily suggested that Ares should use his godly powers to locate the enchanted ring and then Xena would fall prey to its spell and return to him. Really, she intended no such thing, for the ring also had a helpful "defense mode" that would fill anyone looking at the wearer with the vilest loathing. Mary Sue planned to use that secret mode to solve her Xena problem (some details to be confirmed, of course, because once you start thinking about that plan, it has more holes than a sieve).

Ares disappeared and then reappeared in front of Xena, who was leading Argo down a nondescript yet familiar-looking road. She rolled her eyes at first, but secretly she was glad to see him.

"Xena, it's great that Gabrielle has gone back to Potideah to visit her pet ducks and goats and geese. How about if we go on a mission together for old times' sake?"

"Not a chance, Ares. I have a busy week of being a hero and fighting evil ahead of me. On Monday I'm going to break a siege by an evil invading army. On Tuesday I'm going to defeat two evil warlords. On Wednesday I'm going to save some orphans from their evil caretaker. On Thursday—" Xena frowned and was starting to pull her calendar out of her breastplate, when Ares interrupted.

"—On Thursday you're going to keep the evil war god Ares out of mischief by going on a quest with him to find a sacred ring."

Xena raised one eyebrow above one of her piercing teal oculi and considered. On the one hand, the orphans did need saving, and her now-remembered Thursday plan to rescue a cat from a tree was part of a detailed image rehabilitation PR exercise that Gabrielle was insisting on. On the other hand, Ares looked awfully cute when he was deliberately trying to charm her into doing things she probably shouldn't.

"Fine. Friday's my day off, so as long as I'm back in time to meet up with Gabrielle on Saturday, it shouldn't be a problem."

Ares smiled winningly. "I knew my Xe wouldn't let me down. See you on Thursday, if you can wait that long."

He saw the murderous look in Xena's steely periwinkle eyes and disappeared before she could do anything about his irritating-yet-adorable habit of giving her nicknames.

Thursday dawned bright and clear, and Xena (who had gotten up an hour early to save the cat, much to the delight of some village urchins; she really was getting soft) was leading Argo down a different nondescript road, when suddenly she sensed _him_. See, Xena has this weird ability to tell when Ares is nearby, even when he's invisible, so he can never sneak up on her. She let herself revel in the breathless shiver that his presence always gives her, and then decided to let him know she knew he was there.

"Aaaaaareeeeeeeeees," she drawled playfully. "I know you're there."

He immediately appeared behind her. "I know you know I'm here."

"I know you know I know."

"I know you know I know you know."

"Oh no you don't."

"Oh yes I do."

This conversation went on for some time. Argo rolled her chestnut equine eyes and wished they would hurry up and kiss so she could have some peace and quiet.

Eventually, Xena and Ares agreed on a plan. It was Xena's plan, really, because she's the practical half of the couple. They would head for the castle of King Iphicles, Hercules' half-brother, because she had a hunch that he might know where the sacred ring was to be found. Xena's hunches are never wrong, so Ares readily agreed to this arbitrary plan. The castle, in Corinth, was only a day's ride away. Much to Argo's relief, Ares materialised his own horse so she didn't have to carry both of them on her back.

Off they rode. It was pretty boring. The scenery didn't change, and neither of them said much because they were both lost in thought about how much they loved each other yet how remote the chances of a happy ending were.

They stopped for lunch and Ares obediently produced a picnic feast with many delicious food items, including meats, cheeses, bread, olives, pastries and a skin of wine. Xena noticed that the foods he had chosen were all her favourites, so she ate up gleefully. This turned out to be a mistake.

Shortly after lunch, they were attacked by a mysterious band of ruffians, and despite fighting them off in her usual style (aided by the baddies helpfully lining up to attack one at a time even though they vastly outnumbered our happy couple) Xena momentarily lost focus due to an ill-timed bout of flatulence and sustained a near-fatal injury. Down she went.

"Xena!" Ares shouted, panic-stricken. It would never do for his Chosen to die in such a tawdry way. He ran to where she had collapsed on the ground but continued to fight with her sword in her left hand, and he dispatched the remaining ruffians almost immediately. Once that was taken care of, Ares studied his Princess, who was clutching her shoulder and clearly in pain.

"Xena, are you all right?" Ares asked usefully.

"What do you think, genius?" Xena snapped, grimacing.

Ares thought for a moment, ignoring Xena's (understandable, if you want this bard's opinion) bad temper. What could he do to make this better? He was a god, so there were a lot of options open to him.

He meditated for so long that when he next looked at Xena, she had passed out, due either to the pain from her shoulder or desperation about whether he would ever come up with a suggestion.

"Hmm, you look even worse that before," Ares said, alarmed. "Let me take you to my temple and nurse you back to health." Xena didn't respond, so Ares assumed she wouldn't mind. He gathered her up in his arms, being careful of her bleeding shoulder, and disappeared, only to reappear a short time later in the bedroom of one of his temples.

This was Ares' private space and the decor reflected his tastes: everything was a deep, rich red, accentuated with touches of black and silver in suitable places. Everything was furnished to the highest standards of luxury, and it was truly the abode of a god. Ares, however, paid no attention to his surroundings, as he gently placed Xena on the bed, and carefully bandaged her wound. When he had finished, he tucked the black satin sheets and velvet bedspread around her, and knelt at her side. She appeared to be sleeping peacefully now, and he touched her cheek lightly with the back of his hand, smoothing a stray lock of hair.

"Princess, you don't know how much I miss you," he said softly. "These last few years without you have been so lonely and difficult for me. I miss you not taking any crap from me. I miss you fighting in my name. I don't miss you beating me up, 'cause you still do that, but I miss the fun we used to have together. I miss your beautiful hair and eyes and smile. I know you'll say there's no way we can be together because your new path is too important, that you couldn't abandon it… but I wish you would. I love you, Xena, and I wish you could know that."

He sighed as he finished his speech, and looked at Xena one more time before he dematerialised from the room. As he did so, Xena sighed and pressed her own hand to the spot on her cheek that he had just been touching. She hadn't been asleep at all; in fact, she had heard every word Ares had said, and the strength of his feelings had taken her completely by surprise. She hadn't known he truly cared that much about her, she'd thought he just wanted her back as some kind of trophy.

She eventually drifted off into a troubled, restless sleep, filled with dreams of Ares.

* * *

"Why are you grinning, Xena?" Gabrielle asked.

The warrior princess was indeed utterly failing to hide a small smirk that threatened to appear on her face, an expression in marked contrast to Ares and Gabrielle, who were both looking slightly ill at the scroll they had just completed.

"Oh, no reason." Xena's smirk broadened.

"Nice try. Out with it. If you found something funny in there, I'd love to know," the bard persisted.

"I just don't really think my dreams would have been troubled if they were about Ares, that's all. I can think of a few ways to describe them, but troubled isn't one of them. Just a minor critical detail." Xena innocently raised an eyebrow at Gabrielle, who was looking like she wished she hadn't asked.

Ares, meanwhile, was pouring wine into three wooden cups but stopped to look round at Xena. "Oh, do go on – how would you describe them?" There was a lilt of amusement in his tone.

Gabrielle interrupted. "I really don't think that's necessary, actually—my imagination is too vivid for its own good as it is. Besides, it's too early in the scroll to get into those kinds of details, don't you think? I mean, here we are with this 'will-you, won't you?' situation that's been going on forever. No sane bard would cheapen her finale by getting graphic this soon."

Ares carried the wine over to the kitchen table, and tossed a scrap of something down to Horace as he sat. "Hang on, I don't think so, Battling Bard. If whoever is writing this wants to sell a lot of scrolls, the readers need to keep coming – hey, calm down, I mean keep coming back for more. Why not put in some kind of teaser to whet their appetites?"

Xena sipped her wine, looking studiously neutral for once in her life, but refraining from comment.

Gabrielle rolled her eyes. "And that's why I'm the bard and not you, Ares. You have no appreciation of plot structure, of gradually developing your story as it builds to its climax, of how to give the reader satisfaction."

Ares shook his head. "Well, maybe not in a written scroll, but you should see my oral skills."

Xena choked on her wine at that last comment, looking scandalised. " _Ares!_ "

Gabrielle, perhaps wisely, elected to allow Xena and Ares a few seconds to discuss exactly what Xena may or may not have dreamed about on a certain occasion, as she opened up the next scroll for a sneak peek. Almost as quickly, she rolled it right back up and thrust it over at Xena with a mumbled comment about how maybe that was one they ought to look at later on, or any other time when Gabrielle wasn't in the room (and a silent added thought that _I was awake the whole time you spent that night with Marcus and I'm still scarred_ ).

Eventually she found a slightly more family-friendly scroll and they settled in for the next chapter.


	4. Chapter 3

.

Behind Blue Eyes

And so, we return to a gripping romantic drama. Ares loves Xena. Xena probably loves Ares too. But do they know how the other feels? Will we ever know what Xena's dreams that night in Ares' temple were about? ( _If you want to know the answer to that last question, please look out for_ Blue Balls, _our special-edition Cupid's Day scroll, over 18s only.)_ Can anyone remember what Mary Sue is doing and if so, please could they remind the bard (who has forgotten)?

Xena and Ares arrived in Corinth the next day, and they were grateful that there were some baddies around to provide a convenient distraction from their respective feelings for each other for a while. Basically they had to rescue King Iphicles from an evil invading army, but that didn't take long so why drag out something that's not very important to the plot (what plot? you may rightly ask)?

Following the rescue, Xena was busy heroically pretending that she wasn't extremely conflicted about her feelings towards Ares. Ares was trying to pluck up enough courage to tell her how he felt when she was awake and he could see her gorgeous cornflower eyes, which he hoped would smile back at him in response, but he was too scared to test it out for real. He was also a bit jealous that King Iphicles coincidentally resembled him, and he hoped Xena hadn't noticed (she had but wasn't interested).

They spent a few awkward days at Iphicles' castle, going through various cupboards and dusty old bedrooms looking for the mysterious ring that Xena was sure was hidden there somewhere. They never found a ring, but she did unearth various other treasures, including a closet of clothes (all in her size, naturally) and an armoury of weapons that Iphicles had forgotten he had (Xena noticed at least one hitherto-unknown item that would kill a god so she made a mental note in case she was ever in need of a new "only thing that can kill a god"). He gave Xena and Ares his blessing to have a few sparring matches in the castle courtyard.

"Ah, it'll be good to test out the old skills again, don't you agree, my Princess?" Ares grinned, as they finished selecting weapons. Both of them had chosen swords, and Ares had also grabbed a staff – "Just in case Blondie shows up" – which got him the predictable eye roll from Xena in response.

The fight was as expected – terribly exciting, with flips, war cries and gravity-defying movements galore (fortunately gravity wasn't invented yet) and general war god-Chosen UST simmering away under the surface. Eventually, Xena delivered a picture-perfect side kick to Ares, which knocked him off balance and sent him tumbling to the ground, and she used the momentum from her landing to roll forward and end up crouching next to him.

"Ready to concede?" she panted, grinning at her victory. They both sensed that the atmosphere had shifted as the fight ceased, and the UST grew even thicker.

"Oh, I wouldn't take much persuading, you know that," Ares said back, his hand reaching up to stroke Xena's cheek and jawbone. She closed her crystal eyes and leaned into his touch. He sensed that this was his chance to Declare His Love. Even though he was terribly scared to hear her reaction, and it probably wasn't his best decision in terms of timing, somehow it seemed right, so on he went.

"I've missed you, Xena. It's been all wrong since you left. I never realised how much I would miss not having you near me, not seeing your beautiful smile every day. Please don't tell me I'm talking nonsense, because I really do care for you and love you with all my heart. Is there anything I could possibly say to make you come back to be with me once more?"

Xena's cyan irises widened as she heard Ares' words, and she felt him take her hand where they were lying next to each other on the sandy courtyard floor. She didn't know what to think. Here was the god she'd left and whom she now fought against, begging her to abandon all her principles and ideals to return to him, and her head told her that probably wouldn't be a good idea. But her heart was crying out that she felt the same as he did, and she couldn't stifle that urge.

"Oh, Ares… you aren't talking nonsense. I feel the same way. I know we've been playing games with each other for a long time, but I can't do it any longer. I love you too."

Ares' face relaxed into a soft, warm smile, and he swept Xena into his arms on the floor, both of them anticipating the moment when their lips would press together and they would be united once more, when—

"XENA! I'm back early from Potadeah and followed you to this castle, aren't you proud of my new tracking ski—wait, what in the blazing depths of Tartarus are you doing on the floor, and with Ares?!"

Xena looked around, horrified. "Gabrielle?!" An irate blonde bard had made her inevitable entrance.

* * *

"Okay, Blondie, you've got some explaining to do," Ares glowered, putting the scroll down. "You just have to do that every damn time, don't you? Why? Do you just enjoy ruining other people's fun or something?"

Gabrielle rolled her eyes and sighed heavily. "Oh, Ares, you don't get it. I'm Xena's _sidekick_. It's my job to keep her on her true path of good, and be the little voice questioning whether she's making the right choices. And I have to exercise that role at suitably dramatic moments in the story. Just like you're her dark tempter, I'm—" – she couldn't resist a little pause for effect – "—her _Light_."

Ares looked supremely unimpressed by the bard's explanation and continued to stare at her.

"Oh, fine," Gabrielle muttered uncomfortably. "I do also enjoy spoiling your fun. Remember, I write the scrolls, except this one of course, so I've got the literary licence to pop up in the oddest of places and no one can blame me for it."

"Hey," Xena cut her friend off. "Can you two argue about this later? Right now you're _both_ spoiling my fun. I want to know what happens next!"


	5. Chapter 4

.

I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues

"Gabrielle?!"

"Xena?!"

"Blondie?!"

General mortification ensued, with Xena hurriedly getting up and dusting the sand off herself, and Ares easing to his feet more leisurely (no stray grain of sand had dared to stick to his godly form). Gabrielle glared at the pair of them the whole time.

"What are you doing here, Gabrielle?" Xena finally asked.

"Well, as you know I went to visit my family in Potideiah and, um, I'm afraid I think I outstayed my welcome a bit," Gabrielle chirped.

"Seems to be a regular thing for you," Ares glowered moodily.

"ANYWAY, I decided I'd come and see how you were doing with your heroics as you'd been without me for so long. I wasn't sure if you'd manage to remember everything you needed to do, and there was always the chance you might have gone totally off the rails and started killing people again. It's my job to keep you on your true path of good, and be the little voice questioning whether you're making the right choices." She paused for dramatic effect. "That's because I'm your _Light_."

"Spare me, wouldya?" Ares mumbled to himself sotto voce.

"ANYWAY, here I am, after a suspiciously and uncharacteristically good piece of tracking, and I find you ready to shack up with Ares, your evil-tempter-in-chief and _former_ greatest fan because it was in my contract that I got that title after 30 completed scrolls. Xena, what is wrong with you?"

Gabrielle eventually stopped to draw breath, to everyone's relief.

"Oh, Gabrielle, my Light, my bard," Xena broke in as Gabrielle desperately sucked in air after her tirade. "I know this might be difficult for you. But you have to understand. Ares and I, we love each other now. Again. Still. It's complicated. But we love each other. I want to give him back my life, I want to spend eternity with him."

Ares knew he should let the two women resolve their many issues, but he couldn't help asking an abundantly unhelpful question of his beloved. "What about that whole Side of Good business?"

Xena looked unconcerned. "Oh, I'll still do that."

Ares should have left well enough alone, but instead he shamelessly continued to undermine his chances with Xena for the sake of some plot-advancing emoting. "Gabby does kind of have a point that it might be hard for you to be with me and be a hero too," he said. "I was kind of expecting that to be a major discussion at some point, but it will fill me with joy if you've got a solution."

Xena shrugged. "Eh, I have a hunch you'll be defecting over to the heroes so I won't need to worry too much, and we know my hunches are always right."

Gabrielle had recovered herself, although now she was looking even more irate than before. "Oh, no, not if I have anything to say about it, Xena. And I have _plenty_ to say. But it would hardly be fair to have a battle of wits, so in suitably dramatic fashion, I'll challenge Ares to a battle of strength, a staff fight. The winner gets Xena, and you can interpret 'gets' in whatever way you want. Oh, yes, you didn't realise I was upset due to an ambiguous yet badly hidden undertone of jealousy, did you, War God?"

Ares looked over at Xena for confirmation. "She's challenging me to a staff fight? Is that the summary?"

Xena raised an eyebrow and nodded.

Ares grinned. "Told you this staff I happened to grab would come in useful then. Okay, Blondie, let's get this over with." He marched over to grab the strange, elaborately decorated staff from Iphicles' weapon stash.

While Ares' back was turned, Xena eyed up the combatants in a manner that could be considered inappropriate but which, if questioned, she was prepared to defend as appraising professionally.

They squared up to each other, Gabrielle still muttering to herself.

The fight can be summed up in a few words: THWAP! SMACK! SHATTER! THUD!

The combatants were evenly matched for the first two blows, but on her third strike, Gabrielle delivered a crushing blow to the top of Ares' staff, the bit with the fancy decorations and carvings, and it shattered into pieces and a golden ring fell to the floor.

The three of them crowded around it, all thoughts of the fight now forgotten. Well, Xena and Ares were looking at the ring and Gabrielle was trying to make sure they stayed a decorous distance apart while also looking at the ring.

"Wow, it's beautiful," the bard said softly. "Are those engravings on it words? I wonder what they say."

Xena had begun to frown suspiciously at Ares. "This wouldn't happen to be the enchanted ring we came here to find, would it? Because I have a hunch that it might be meant to make me fall in love with you through some devious spell, even though I've not put it on my finger yet. And what do you want with an enchanted ring anyway?"

Gabrielle sighed. "That's what you've been trying to do? Seriously? That's pathetic. The ring is _precious_ , but I am still opposed to this plot because it sounds like something I wouldn't think is a good idea under normal circumstances."

Ares opened and closed his mouth a few times. He felt like events had taken rather a confusing turn and he wasn't quite sure what he could say to fix it. He just wanted Xena back in his arms, both declaring their eternal love, but now she was starting to look daggers at him and he gulped involuntarily.

Xena took the ring and decisively stuffed it down her cleavage. "Well, you can't have it. I know about enchanted rings. I have an overpowering urge to walk with it for many miles, alongside an impromptu fellowship of unlikely allies, and then toss it ceremonially into a scary-looking volcano. I think that would be a good heroic quest for me. Come on, Gabrielle, let's go."

And off she marched, her stride that of a hero on a quest. Gabrielle trotted along behind, and Ares could hear her burbling something about what a great trilogy of scrolls this quest would make, and how maybe she'd invent a race of small creatures similar to humans so for once she wouldn't be the shortest character in the story.

Ares looked dejected and heartbroken at the departure of his true love, and then apropos of nothing whatsoever, he thought he might go and check in with Mary Sue.

* * *

Gabrielle rolled up the scroll, looking relieved. "That's the last one. We've read them all now." She glanced out of the kitchen window, where night had fallen. A couple of flickering lanterns lit the kitchen atmospherically, and outside, an owl hooted. Then she looked back at Ares and Xena, who were sitting opposite her at the table. Horace was lying at Ares' feet, snoring away peacefully.

"You're kidding," Xena said. "That's it?"

"'Fraid so," Gabrielle replied, holding up the pile of scrolls. "Those were all they had at the market."

Xena pouted. "Damn. That ring thing sounded cool. I wish I had actually done that." She pondered for a second and then her face brightened. "Any chance you'd write it anyway?"

Gabrielle grinned wryly. "I'm sure it'll be in the next scroll that comes out, whenever that is." She paused before mischievously adding, "I'm surprised you're not more upset that the author came so close to getting you and Ares together and then tore you apart again in an unexpected plot twist."

"Story of my life," Ares said before Xena could reply. "Every time I think I can't lose, something always comes between us… I have every confidence that Xena and I aren't through yet, though." He reached out and touched Xena's wrist, and when she made no objection he rested the palm of his hand on the back of hers, absently stroking her skin.

"Oh, but at the end you go off to see Mary Sue," Gabrielle reminded him. "Mary Sue is Xena's rival for your affections, and we're supposed to wonder whether you're about to go back to her because Xena ditched you."

Ares looked at Gabrielle, confused. "But I just told Xena I love her and she said she loves me too. Why would I go looking for Mary Sue? I've tried making Xena jealous before, but she sees through it pretty quickly. Which is a good thing, because I always miss you by then anyway," he hastily added as Xena jerked her hand away from him in annoyance.

Gabrielle smirked in a superior sort of way. "You might think that, but it's what the Ares in the scroll does that counts. Do you really trust some random bard to bring you two back together? Isn't Mary Sue supposed to be pretty dangerous?"

"Eh, that's what they say about everyone," Xena commented drolly. "I'm the hero, though. I always win in the end."

Ares was frowning as he worked through what Gabrielle was saying. "So they've sent me off to check on Mary Sue, and you two have gone questing. I don't like the sound of that. What if Xena never comes back to me?"

Xena had started frowning as she listened to Ares. "Gabrielle, where exactly did you find these scrolls?"

"At the market," the bard replied. "They were selling like hotcakes, and then as soon as I saw your name I had to check it out. Oh, and I bumped into Greba while I was there, too. She seemed pretty happy to see me. Strange, that, I thought she had eyes only for Ares."

"I'm sure she'll just _love_ these scrolls then," Ares interjected. "It seems like the whole point of them is to break me and Xena up because apparently I prefer this _Mary Sue_ person. Seems like just the kind of thing to keep Greba entertained. Let's hope she's so distracted with them that she leaves me alone now."

Gabrielle looked astonished. "Ares, that's it! I think you've got it! That's what's going on here. This bard, this C. Sordid, doesn't care about telling the true stories of our lives and adventures. It's _brilliant._ Who cares what really happened as long as people keep buying? And letting them identify with Mary Sue is the way to do that! Who cares about us suffering from all these untruths?"

Xena stood up abruptly. "I think it's time to pay Greba a visit."

Ares grinned from his chair. "Are you going to tell her once and for all that I'm yours and she needs to steer clear of me in fiction as well as reality? 'Cause I'd love to see that."

Xena arched one eyebrow at him. "Well, you're not about to. Greba knows something but she's not the cause of this. I want to find out who is." She grinned wryly. "I have a hunch, and my hunches are always right."


	6. Chapter 5

.

Greba was decidedly alarmed when she opened her door to see Xena, Ares and Gabrielle outside, with Horace at Ares' heel.

"H-hello, is everything all right?" she asked. "It's a bit late for a visit, isn't it?" Xena, Greba noticed, held a set of familiar-looking scrolls in her hands.

"It won't take long," Xena replied as they entered Greba's small but cosy home and seated themselves around the kitchen table. Horace padded around in a circle, taking in his new surroundings. He sniffed in the direction of the stew pot on the table, and then settled himself at Ares' feet contentedly.

"We've been looking at these scrolls," Gabrielle added. "I saw you at the market earlier and just wanted to know if you'd read them and how you liked them."

"Oh, I know what they're about. I suppose they're good if you like that kind of thing," Greba said. She was twitching her fingers in her lap and avoiding eye contact, and to Xena's practiced eye, she appeared to be hiding something.

Gabrielle wouldn't give up that easily and tried to probe further. "You seemed a lot more excited earlier on. I was half-convinced at first that you'd written them. It seems like the author is a mystery, but I'd just love to know who it is."

At this, Greba, to everyone's surprise, burst into tears and put her head in her hands. "Why are you so smart?" she sobbed. "I did write them! All of them!"

Gabrielle glanced questioningly at Xena across the table; the warrior princess shrugged unhelpfully and gestured at Gabrielle to keep talking. Ares appeared serenely bemused as he petted Horace with his foot.

"Uh, Greba," Gabrielle said gently, "Calm down. You being upset won't do anyone any good. So you did write the scrolls. That actually makes a lot of sense now that I think about it. But why? And what are you so upset about? Everyone loved them today at the market."

Greba sniffed loudly and spoke haltingly as she tried to regain control of herself. "I know they did. I sold all my copies, and everyone wanted to know when the next one was coming out. I was so happy. It's the first time in my life that anyone's paid me that much attention. But they don't know the truth, that none of it was my idea in the first place and I'm just a fraud, an imposter. And now that you three are here, I'm sure you'll tell everyone and my secret will come out!" Another wave of sobs overcame her at last.

Xena looked searchingly at Greba's now-blotchy face. "Don't worry about us for the moment," she said, not unkindly. "What did you mean that none of it was your idea? If not yours, then whose?"

 _Mine!_ hissed the stew pot on the table, startling everyone. Even Horace pricked up his ears and growled softly.

Ares rolled his eyes as he recognised the voice. "Shoulda known _you'd_ be the cause of this, even if you're dead," he muttered. "Discord, you always were scum, but surely manifesting yourself in someone's dinner is a new low."

 _Oh, Ares, so nice to see you again! It's been so long since I saw you standing around uselessly while your girlfriend chopped off my head._ The goddess's face was now visible on the surface of the stew.

Gabrielle shook her head. "Discord… C. Sordid… it was right there in front of us all along."

Greba looked dejected. "I've always wanted to write my own stories like Gabrielle," she said. "I knew I would never be a great hero, a widow all alone here on my little farm. But writing let me pretend I was one. Except no one cared about _my_ adventures, so when Discord gave me the idea that writing about Xena and Gabrielle might appeal more to people, I wondered if that was my chance to make some money and try to have the kind of life I've dreamed of. Maybe Ares would even be interested in me."

"Greba, you deserve your dreams," Xena said gently. "Everyone does. But you need to make them come true by yourself, you can't rely on the gods to do it for you."

 _Oh, shut UP, Warrior Princess_ , Discord snapped. _Actually, Greba, I meant to tell you, I was thinking what a fitting end to the whole series of scrolls it would be to have Xena herself decapitated, a nice way to return the favour she did me… but of course we'll have to find a way for her not to come back to life. It'll be a stretch to think of a plot strange enough to lead up to that, but I'm sure we'll come up with something. What do you think? The fans would love it!_

Greba sat for a moment, no longer crying. She looked over at Gabrielle, Xena and Ares, then at Discord's face in the stew pot. Then she made the most important decision of her life.

"No, Discord," she said in a nervy but resolved tone. "I think that's a terrible idea. It would upset the readers far too much. In fact, I think Xena's right. I don't need you to be successful anymore. I've got to find my own way of writing, my own stories to tell. I may have made some mistakes, but I can redeem myself."

Discord bubbled alarmingly. _Now, Greba, be sensible. Who's been there for you? Who's made you what you are today? Do you really think you'd last without my help? You'd be nothing without me! We make an unstoppable team._

Ares leaned across to Xena. "You know, from the outside, I can see why some of those 'come back to me and lead my army' pitches just weren't persuasive," he whispered.

Xena smirked. "Yours were pretty good, actually – it's just fun outsmarting you sometimes."

Suddenly, Greba stood up and picked up the stew pot. "It's over, Discord," she said softly. She turned the pot upside down and tipped the stew all over the floor next to Horace, who sprang up and eagerly started devouring his unexpected treat, tail wagging a mile a minute.

Ares looked utterly gleeful at the turn of events. "Can't think of a better way to get rid of her," he said. "Horace, make sure you enjoy every bite."

Greba watched the dog for a moment with a bittersweet look in her eye, and then took the pot over to the counter and started wiping it out with a cloth. "That's that, then," she said. "Discord won't be back. She'll find another chump to torment so I'm on my own again."

Gabrielle got up, crossed the room to stand next to Greba, and put her hand on her shoulder. "Well, the gods can be pretty persistent when they find a mortal they like, but let's hope you're right."

"She didn't like me, she was only using me," Greba said.

"Maybe," Gabrielle replied earnestly. "She knew you were the right person for the job. She might have given you some ideas for stories, but you're the one who wrote them down, who made all those copies, who sells every copy at the market. You should be proud of yourself, you've got a real talent for writing."

"Do you really think so?" Greba's cheeks turned pink. "I just did the legwork, really."

"Well, it takes a lot of legwork to create a good story," Gabrielle said. "But if I were you, I'd use the money you've made from all those sales to go looking for some stories of your own to tell. You can't wait around for other people to inspire you, you need to go out and find it."

Greba smiled warmly, looking truly calm for the first time all evening. "That's exactly what I've always wanted to do. Nothing much ever happens around here, and I want to see a bit more of the world. I've just never been able to make a start. But now I can, thanks to you and Discord."

"Don't thank us, or her," Xena broke in. "Gabrielle's right. It's your achievement, you should be thanking yourself."

"Well, in that case – I will!" Greba smiled. Her whole demeanour had changed from the tension of earlier; now she seemed positively excited. "I just would never have seen it without you all showing me. I think I'll set off tomorrow, there's nothing to keep me here. I've got one thing to do but I can finish it off tonight."

"Good luck!" Gabrielle said. "I'll look out for your scrolls in all the markets once you've got a couple of adventures under your belt." They walked to the front door to bid Greba farewell. Horace had finished the stew off and came following along, looking extremely pleased with himself.

"And if Discord ever does try to persuade you to rejoin her, don't listen," Ares added. "She won't give up on you easily, but sometimes the mortals who don't listen are the ones who impress us most."

Greba grinned. "You know, if I'd known who you really were all along, things might have been different. And I have to confess, I'm not entirely sure what's going on between the three of you but I'm pretty sure you're not their father now. You'll never have to worry about me writing anything like that. Slave girls, on the other hand…"

"Thank you, Greba!" Xena, Ares and Gabrielle chorused together, and Greba couldn't avoid a smile as she closed the door after them.

* * *

The next morning dawned bright and clear, with a crispness in the air that suggested autumn was on its way. All was peaceful in the valley.

Inside the farmhouse, Xena yawned as she walked into the kitchen and started looking around for some breakfast. As she turned around to grab the bread from the table, she noticed a scroll rolled up next to it. It didn't look like one of the ones they'd read yesterday. She frowned and picked it up, and as she skimmed the first lines, she grinned wryly.

"I'm not sure Gabrielle knows what she's started, here," she muttered.


	7. Epilogue

_To Xena, Gabrielle and Ares:_

 _Every story deserves a happy ending. I'm off to look for mine and I have no doubt you'll find yours._

 _Greba_

True Blue

And so we return to the aftermath of a series of extremely dramatic events. Ares loves Xena! Xena loves Ares! Gabrielle is bemused! But Xena's ever-present suspicion of Ares has caused her to ignore her feelings and try to distract herself by being heroic. Let's rejoin our heroes and see if there's any hope for them.

Ares had been somewhat frustrated at the turn of events. He'd really thought Xena was finally his, and the strange thing was that he suddenly cared a lot less about "getting her back" than the simple joy that she might _want_ to be with him of her own accord. But it had been snatched away at the last minute. He vaguely recalled Mary Sue being the instigator of the whole silly plan with the enchanted ring, so thought he might drop in and give her a piece of his mind.

Mary Sue had been trying to contain her excitement ever since her discussion with Ares about the ring. Her cunning plan was working perfectly: eventually, Ares would see that his pursuit of Xena was pointless when she, Mary Sue, was ready to be a far more devoted servant for far less hassle. After all, all Mary Sue wanted was to be someone's Chosen, and as Ares was currently the only Olympian with a vacancy, everything was falling into place.

She smiled softly when Ares materialised in front of her in his temple. Outside there was a thunderstorm, but inside the atmosphere was calm and peaceful. "My Lord Ares, I was just sorting your offerings. Would you like to inspect them?"

"No, actually," he said. "I wanted to talk to you."

Mary Sue's heart leapt.

"Look," Ares continued. "I tried the thing you suggested with the ring to get Xena back. It didn't work."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, my Lord," Mary Sue said, looking up from beneath lowered eyelashes. "But I'm sure we can think of another way. Or – maybe it's time to accept that Xena has chosen her own path. But of course what's right for her leaves you in a difficult position, not to mention the temple. Do you think it's time to start looking for someone to take her place?"

"Mary Sue, you're not a bad gal," Ares broke in. "You're good at keeping the temple going, you've got a average number of skills, and most people seem to like you. But you've never understood that Xena can't be replaced. I care about her. She's moved me like no woman ever has. I can't ever appoint another Chosen now."

Mary Sue's beautiful eyes widened. She hadn't considered the possibility that there might not even be a replacement for Xena. She'd just assumed she'd walk right into the job. How foolish she was! How could she ever hope to be with Ares now? Glittering tears began to form in her eyes.

"I have failed you, my Lord. How could I have underestimated how much you loved her?" she sobbed. "No true Chosen would make such a mistake."

Ares pondered this for a moment. "You know," he said, "I actually underestimated how much I loved her too. I mean, I'm pretty great at a lot of things," – he couldn't resist pausing as Mary Sue, on cue, nodded enthusiastically – "but I'm not the most emotionally clued-up god out there. I needed a bit of help figuring it out."

Mary Sue squinted at him through her tears. "So what you're saying is I sealed my own fate? By trying so hard to get rid of Xena, I've made sure I can never achieve my goal of being Chosen?"

Ares' eyes glinted in a way that suggested he'd just had an idea. "Mary Sue," he said, "I've just had an idea. You can't be my Chosen, we've established that. But as a mark of my thanks for showing me how I felt, I can arrange for you to be another god's Chosen if that would help."

Ares expected Mary Sue to either drop to her knees in gratitude, or perhaps to momentarily forget herself and reach out to give him a hug, or something similarly over-the-top. He wasn't prepared for the almost timid look on her face as she took in his offer.

"Truly, you'd do that?" she said slowly.

"Sure, why would I lie?"

"My Lord, it would be an honour. I'd serve any god as diligently as I've served you, and I hope it would bring praise and worshippers to you both." As the initial shock wore off, Mary Sue's face began to brighten, but then she hesitated. "There's just one thing, though."

"Yes?"

"How would you be able to make another god Choose me?"

Now Ares outright grinned. "Oh, just you leave that to me. In fact I already have someone in mind to ask…"

He disappeared in a flash of blue light.

Mary Sue stood, thinking. In the past, that kind of assurance from a god would have been more than enough to satisfy her. But now she was having her doubts that they were quite as all-knowing as they said they were.

At that very moment, the outside door to the temple opened, and who should walk in but Xena and Gabrielle?

The thunder was continuing to rage outside and Xena had finally caved in to Gabrielle's demand to find some shelter for the night. It just so happened that the only place she knew in the immediate area was this same temple of Ares. Xena let Gabrielle enter ahead of her, and as the warrior pushed back the hood of her cloak she paused for a moment on the threshold of the main chamber, and took a deep breath to calm herself. Personally she'd have preferred to stay outside and get soaked rather than deal with the god of war's lingering presence.

Gabrielle and Mary Sue had spotted each other by now. "We came to seek shelter for the night," the bard explained. "Is it all right for us to wait out the storm here?"

Mary Sue's eyes flicked over to Xena, who had caught up and was looking at her with one eyebrow slightly raised. "That should be fine," she said. A stroke of inspiration hit her, and she added, "You must be hungry. There's a meal laid out in the next room through there, so please help yourselves. There's a fire to warm you through as well."

Gabrielle smiled at Xena. "I always expected these priestesses to be needlessly bitchy, but this is proving me wrong," she said as an aside before returning her attention to Mary Sue. "I'm _starving_ , how did you guess? I'll head straight that way. Are you coming, Xena?"

"I'll be there in a moment," Xena replied. Gabrielle nodded and disappeared, leaving Xena and Mary Sue alone, standing at a slightly awkward distance apart.

"What's going on, Mary Sue?" Xena said icily. "We both know you don't want me here, and I don't mind telling you I only came because of Gabrielle. So why the welcome party?"

Mary Sue nodded. "You're right, I don't really want you here," she said. "I've been working for a long time to get rid of you, and at last I thought I'd succeeded. I thought all I needed was you to leave and then Ares would see that he'd been missing out on me all along, and then things would be perfect."

Xena snorted softly. "And how's that working out for you?"

"Terribly, actually, but not for the reason you'd guess. I didn't count on Ares loving you as much as he does. Oh, I didn't want it to be that way. I was hoping I'd dazzle him and he'd forget all about you, but he hasn't. He really does care about you, more than I ever thought a god could care for a mortal. And he's got no time for me at all."

Xena shifted uncomfortably. That wasn't the answer she'd been expecting and its honesty touched a nerve. "So why are you still here then?" she managed, trying to steer the conversation away from herself. "Shouldn't you be looking for a new god to follow?"

Mary Sue took a few steps to close the gap between them. "Ares said I can be another god's Chosen and to leave it with him, but I'm not sure I believe him," she said. "So I'm stuck here until he comes back."

Xena looked at her erstwhile rival. "This thing between Ares and me, it's surprised me too," she said. "I never expected him to come after me when I left. And I never thought I'd miss him or be pleased when he did come after me. I'm sorry for the bad blood between the two of us because of him. I hope you can believe me."

Mary Sue looked puzzled. "Are you sure you're remembering right?" she interrupted. "All along it was me trying to sabotage and get rid of you, and you think _I_ should forgive _you_?"

Xena shrugged. "I've done a lot worse in my time, so it doesn't really matter what I take the blame for. And I have an idea about how you can make sure your new god will definitely take you as his Chosen."

Mary Sue watched as Xena reached into her breastplate and pulled out a small object, which she pressed into Mary Sue's hands.

"It's the ring!" Mary Sue exclaimed. "It's supposed to make anyone who looks at the wearer fall madly in love with them. If I wear it when I meet the new god, I'll definitely become the Chosen."

"It's yours," Xena said. "I've been carrying it around since we found it, but I don't want it. Call it a peace offering."

"Offer accepted!" Mary Sue said.

* * *

Later that night, long after Gabrielle, Mary Sue and everyone else in the temple had gone to bed, Xena found herself unable to sleep. The atmosphere of the temple was oppressive and heavy, and she itched to be outside.

She eventually shoved the bedcovers to one side and silently padded across the stone floor of her room, opened the door and continued through the various chambers of the temple until she found the central atrium. Dawn was starting to break and the coral sky was reflected in the shallow pool at the centre of the tree-lined courtyard. She took a seat and sighed softly as she looked at the water rippling in the gentle breeze.

She missed him. Perhaps that was why she'd come here in the first place, even though she was reluctant to admit it to herself.

She wasn't at all surprised to pick up on his presence a few moments later, and she turned to the spot on the bench next to her just as he flashed into view.

"Hi," she said simply.

"Hi," he replied. "Wasn't expecting to see you here anytime soon."

"Storm came through and we needed shelter," she explained briefly. He nodded. They trailed off into silence for a few breaths, and then, as if to break the mounting tension, they both started to speak at the same time.

"I wanted to talk to you—"

"Listen, about before—"

And then they were both laughing at nothing, the frozen, stilted atmosphere of a minute ago gone; and before she knew it he'd pulled her in for a tender kiss and her hand was resting on his knee.

"What were we fighting about again?" she said softly.

"My latest evil plan to get hold of an enchanted ring to make you love me," he said solemnly, but she could see the spark of amusement in his dark eyes.

"I'm pretty sure that ring had nothing to do with it," she replied. "I've always had feelings for you even without it."

"Same here, although it's taken me a long time admit it to myself," Ares said. "What happened to the ring, out of curiosity?"

Xena grinned, her Aegean blue eyes brightening. "Oh, I gave it to Mary Sue. She seemed to think it would help her secure the favour of whichever god you're going to hand her over to."

Ares laughed. "Oh, that. Yeah, my third cousin, the minor deity Plotus Devicius owes me a favour. He's more than happy to accept Mary Sue as his Chosen. I need to tell her tomorrow. And then I bumped into Aphrodite and all of a sudden there's a whole plan for some kind of ball to celebrate."

He glanced sideways at Xena. "There's going to be dancing, storytelling, good food, ambrosia… don't suppose you'd be interested, would you? It could have been for us once upon a time."

Xena shook her head. "Nah, I don't need any of that," she said as they kissed softly again. "We can tell our own story from here on out."

FIN


End file.
